Never Enough

When Rush announced that they would tour again in 2015 I was beyond excited to see them again. This was due partly for having been unable to see their Clockwork Angels tour and because I had already seen them 12 times previously. They are my favorite band after all and their stage shows were always something to behold not just for the visual elements but for the precision and technical excellence they have always displayed live.

Before the tour that would ultimately be their last had even begun I had heard the rumors that it might be their last. I was of two minds about the rumors that had been circulating about the impending closing of the curtain on a band that had defined both my youth and my chosen profession as a professional musician. They were more than just a band to me. They were the inspiration for my manic love of music and they were also the soundtrack to my life. I had gained a great deal of personal meaning for my own life through their music and lyrics. They were a part of me every bit as real as my arms and legs and they had shaped much of the reality I had come to know through the years.

Knowing the end was nigh cemented my absolute desire to see them one last time. I would not be denied this last chance to worship a band that had come to mean so much to me.

It is no secret that Rush fans are arguably the most devoted and rabid fans of any rock band and it was with that same sense of rabid devotion that I steeled myself for the final tour.

It was the end. The end of forty plus years of music that inspired and frightened me for its complexity but always left me wanting more.

The tour came and went and as always I was awed and flabbergasted by the level of musicianship they could still muster after all these years. I was in a kind of ecstasy during “Jacob’s Ladder” and “Xanadu”, both personal favorites for me and to see the double necks come out was like seeing some holy relic on display for the faithful. It was the pure, unadulterated joy I had felt during each concert I’d been to previously. It was perhaps a bit more poignant and bittersweet but I pushed back the knowledge of their coming dissolution as a band. There would be no new albums or tours. It would be the closing of one of the most important chapters of my life and while at first I accepted it as a natural conclusion to a career marked with failures, successes and more change than any other band I had ever been a fan of before, inwardly I felt immense sadness at the end of their run.

They had been making music of such incredible technical expertise but fused with  such heart and a command of the human condition.

The simple truth was that age had finally come calling for them as it must come to us all. Neil was no longer able to bounce back from the physical rigors of touring and was often left lame and in extreme pain because of his muscular and athletic approach to drumming. Alex had been suffering from arthritis for years and Geddy’s voice was beginning to slip in that hitting those high notes was no longer possible in many cases.

About a year after that last tour it finally hit me that it was over. It was over. The curtain had been drawn on a band that had been the measuring stick by which I would measure every other band. Not for their abilities as musicians mind you but in how their music touched and inspired me. No other band had ever even come close to being that important to me.

The child in me raged at the sheer infairness of it all. How could this happen? I felt that emotion for many months and it always left me slightly bitter for my wanting.

As I examined it more closely, I began to understand and appreciate how much they had given not only me but millions upon millions of fans everywhere.

The rational adult in me came to see that the real gift of my love of their music would never die. It would be with me always. Like so many of my fellow Rush fans, I too kept a secret wish in my heart that I might hear from them again. I began to let that wish go slowly at first but with time, I was able to let it go completely. Their lasting impact on the music business would be felt for decades to come and they would still find new fans who had not yet discovered their music. They would continue despite being absent from making new music. So much of their music is truly timeless and defies the dated sound of some older bands.

I have let it go. They have given so much of themselves and endured hardships that most of us will never know or understand. As fans, we have asked so much of them and they have always delivered on our requests and demands. It is selfish to continue to make our demands on them in the face of the staggering legacy they have left us. It is enough. They have rewritten the book on prog rock and spawned so much music from new bands as well as tribute bands who do their best to keep the music alive.

It is finally enough. Rest well gentlemen and I thank you from the bottom of my grateful heart for all that you have done and all that you have given me and millions like me. I understand the folly and selfishness of my desire to have them continue beyond the point they could or even should.